Sweet release
by aliceandra
Summary: Bella moved to Forks after her mother died. As she deals with moving and fiting in at school she has another issue to deal with cutting sry . Idk it's better than it sound please read, it get's better around the thrid chapter please read all of it!
1. Chapter 1

**Please give it a change read it gets better in chapter 3 I promise!!!! I just sucked really really bad in the beginning!!! Just read it through PLEASE!!!!! I know it sucks this chapter and in the next one but chapter 3 is much better!**

**Author's note! I know these are annoying but please read anyways. This just kinda came to mind it's inspired by my friend lissa, and no this is not what I'm like... haha First step to recover is admiting your problem my problem would be an addiction to peanut butter... anyways back to my sorty I get easily distracted. hehe so well I'm not sure if it will be a story or just a one shot... well I think it depends on how many reviews I get. **

**Disclaimer!!!!!! I... *sniffle*... sadly... *dabs at eyes*... don't.... *cry*... own.... *runs to stephenie meyer to beg for*... TWILIGHT!!!!!!! **

**bit dramatic isn't it well you can thank my drama queen friend Marissa for that one... She wrote it at the top of my paper in english... **

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I woke up from my nightmare about my mother. I must have fallen asleep while reading after coming home from school. I was still so confused about Edward. On one hand, he seemed to like me. He smiled and today when he talked to me he seemed really nice but I still couldn't forget how he reacted that first day of school. I tried to calm myself down before going down to greet Charlie. I had heard his car pull into the driveways just moments ago. After making Charlie his dinner I said good night and headed to get ready for bed. I slowly made my way up the stairs and into my room. I quickly grabbed my bag of toiletries, and the old grey sweats I always slept in. Once in the bathroom I locked the door and got undressed for a quick shower. I turned on the water to a nice temp not to hot but not to cool, and stepped in. After getting dressed in my sweats I dried and brushed my hair, and burshed my teeth. I was still thinking about my nightmare I couldn't get the picture of my mother out of my head. I reached into my bag and grabbed one of the most comforting things I had. I unwrapped the small amount of gauze and grabbed one of my razors. Tears had formed and started falling while I had been thinking I angerly whipped them away. I sat down in the corner of the bathroom so as to not fall when the scent hit me. I held the razor next to the most recent scar and pushed lightly. I slow dragged it across my wrist. Setting the razor down next to me, I focused on the small blood droplets forming where I had drawn the razor. Slow the amount of blood increases and started running down my arm and onto the leg I had layed my arm on. The blood flowing down my arm reminded me of my memories I tried to imagine the memories and hurt flowing away with my boold. I sat there thinking about everything that had happened then concentrated on my sweet release.(Song is **Angel** by **Sarah McLachlan **you should really listen along it's how I intended the story to be read)

_Spend all your time waiting  
For that second chance  
For a break that would make it okay  
There s always one reason  
To feel not good enough  
And it s hard at the end of the day  
I need some distraction  
Oh beautiful release  
Memory seeps from my veins  
Let me be empty  
And weightless and maybe  
I ll find some peace tonight_

In the arms of an angel  
Fly away from here  
From this dark cold hotel room  
And the endlessness that you fear  
You are pulled from the wreckage  
Of your silent reverie  
You re in the arms of the angel  
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line  
And everywhere you turn  
There s vultures and thieves at your back  
And the storm keeps on twisting  
You keep on building the lie  
That you make up for all that you lack  
It don t make no difference  
Escaping one last time  
It s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh  
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel  
Fly away from here  
From this dark cold hotel room  
And the endlessness that you fear  
You are pulled from the wreckage  
Of your silent reverie  
You re in the arms of the angel  
May you find some comfort there  
You re in the arms of the angel  
May you find some comfort here

After it started to slow down I got up and put a band-aid on. After making sure my sleeve covered up my arms I wrapped the razor in th gauze and replaced it into the bag. I quickly gathered up everything, ulocked the door and headed back to my room. I feel asleep quickly.

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Please Review! Come on we all know how to do it jsut simply press the button and tell me anything even if you think it sucked say so! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: So I decided to write more! It isn't big and it's kinda boring but it sets up for the rest of the story. I'm not really sure what I'm planning... If you have idea's I would love to write them into this story! Anyways sorry I haven't undated either of my stories lately but I got really sick. As in I spent a week in the hospital and lost 25 pounds... Which wasn't very fun! anyways then the snow hit and I couldn't get to my friends house to use her computer. I will be updating my other story and changing it a bit soon. I want to look in my twilight about something but I let my friend borrow it... So hope eveyone who celebrates the holidays had a great time! My step brothers came into my room at 5 am and carried me out side, up a ladder and onto our roof and left me there... Because they were bored... That was my great wake up call. But otherwise I loved my first christmas with my dad and my step family! and of course I got everything I thought I woud for christmas and my birthday! **

**Anyways sorry for boring you! Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!!!!! I do own my copy... but that's it... Oh! and this plot line but ummm... ya**

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The sound of rain on my roof was soothing as I lay in my bed. I had woken up from another nightmare about my mother and just couldn't get back to sleep. Giving up I got up and walked to my closet I pulled out a pair of jeans, black ballet flats, a green t-shirt with a black long sleeved on underneath it.

I slowly walked down the stair and grabbed my rain jacket, backpack and car keys. Skipping breakfast I got into my big red truck and drove to school. I was the first on there. Since I was early I reached into my bag and grabbed my favorite book. About a half hour later another car pulled into the lot. It was Edwards shiny Volvo. I watched as he and his siblings gracefully got out of the car and walked to their classes. Knowing I wasn't the only on here I got out of my car and also headed to class.

After sitting throw my classes I finally heard the lunch bell. In the cafeteria I found my friends sitting already at our table so I headed to the lunch line by myself. I quietly got into line behind the Cullen's. Trying to make my presence unknown but failed, seeing as I tripped on my own feet and started falling toward Emmett the biggest out of them all. Before I would come into contact with him though I felt to hand wind their way around my wait. I looked up to find Edward holding me. He placed me on my feet and let go of me once he knew I was able to stand on my own. "Thanks" I mumbled to my lab partner who I had only talked to once. "Your welcome" he replied and turned back to his family. After they paid for their food the smallest, Alice turned to me. "Hi would you like to sit with us today?" she asked in her bell like voice. "I'm sure she wants to sit with her friends. Alice, calm down" Edward replied before I could. She still looked at me with a bit of hope in her eyes. I just couldn't say no to her, she seemed really excited and sincere. "Ok I guess if it isn't a problem with any of you, I could sit with you today" I said looking at the table where my friends were. I knew they would forgive me. "Of course it isn't a problem I mean I did ask you!" Alice replied grabbing my free hand and dragging me to their table before anyone else could say a word.

I could feel everyone's eyes on my back and Alice lead me to their table and I sat down. Rosalie sat farthest from me give a death glare not eating her food. Emmett sat by her and seeing her glaring at me, tried to distract her. Jasper sat next to Emmett and had, if possible, and even more pained look than usual but didn't glare at me as Rosalie did. In fact he didn't look my direction at all and seemed to be distracted by playing with his food. Alice sat next to Jasper leaning against him and kept up conversation with me even though I had never met her before. I felt like we had been friends for a long time, she was actually really sweet and cool. I didn't see why Jessica called her weird. Edward sat next to me and looked at me most of the time. Every once in a while he would as a question or make a comment.

This continued until the bell rang for class. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett all headed for their own classes and Edward and I walked to our science class together. We watched a movie in class. During gym we played volleyball, my team did pretty well keeping the ball from me only got it twice and only hit three people, one of them being myself. No once got seriously hurt. Not ever a bruise!

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**Please review!!!!!!!! Remember I don't care if it's a bad or good review I still want it! Advice is LOVED!!!! Please!!!! I beg of you! and maybe just maybe if I get 7 reviews on this chapter I might add those people as friends of Bella... only if they want. And yes later in the story Bellas friend play an important part and interact with the Cullens... That's one of the few planned parts. =P **

**~Alice(yes Alice is my real name...)**


	3. Chapter 3

**I will NOT update until I have more reviews!!! I want three is that to much to ask for!!!! please don't make me beg!**

** An: I tried to make this chapter longer… It's isn't that great and didn't come out how I wanted but ya… So I didn't get many reviews in fact only two and I thank those people so I'm very sad! I'm getting better at this bare with me! Please! Oh and I'm kinda depressed because I found out I have a slight nut allergy and I have a horrible addiction to peanut butter and now I can't eat it… :(**** anyways on with the story!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! But I do own this story line, a copy of her books, two dumb step brothers and a bunny rabbit!**

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_**Flashback: **_

"_Bella, sweetheart I'm going now! " Renee, my mother called from the hallway. _

_I raced out of my room to go say by to my mom. I managed to get there without tripping. _

_Hugging my mother tightly I said my quick goodbye so she wouldn't be late. My mom was going out to dinner with her girlfriends. Phil was in Florida practicing for his baseball. _

_Once back in my room I returned to my computer where I was looking up the author of the book I was reading in English. Our English teacher had assigned us to write a two page essay on our authors I had Jane Austen. She was one of my favorite authors. My paper was almost complete so I typed the last few sentences and printed it out. After making sure I put it in the proper place in my binder I headed down stairs to cook dinner. _

_Placing the chicken and bread in the oven I turned it on. Grabbing a pack of instant garlic potatoes, I began making them and turned on the stove. Fifteen minutes later my dinner was done. I set down my plate and sat at our small kitchen counter. I turned on the radio, it was still on the radio station my mom listens to all the time while she was cleaning. After washing my plate and turning off the radio I headed to my room. There I changed into my grey sweats and crawled into bed I was really tired. _

_Not long after I fell asleep I heard the front door open and heard a soft thump. Thinking this weird I got out of bed and walked to the front hall. It was at this point where the real nightmare began. Laying on the floor my mother, she looked so frail covered in blood and sobbing quietly. "Mom!!" I shouted running to her. I tripped but didn't notice and I finished making my way to her crawling. I pulled her into my lap and brushed the hair away from her face. "Mom what happened?" I managed to get out. I looked her over she was bleeding heavily from her chest and she was even paler than normal. Her beautiful black dress was covered in thick drying blood. I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and quickly called 911 after doing that I asked her again what happened. With a shaking voice she was barley able to tell me a brief description of what happened. "Oh Bella… my baby s… someone robbed me" _

" _What? When?" I asked my mother trying to keep calm. _

"_Just now I was walking back home because my car broke down on my way home and they just came out of no where…" at this point the ambulance got there and took us to the hospital. _

_They took Renee for emergency surgery. I waited in the family waiting room they had and tried to not go crazy. I called Phil on the way here in the ambulance and he was going to come on the next flight he was able to. Waiting there was one of the hardest things to do. It seemed like eternity. I now understood how my own mother felt when ever my unfortunate lack of grace decided to show its self bad enough to get me sent to the hospital. It nerve racking. After what seemed to be years the doctor came out. He had a grim expression and I thought the worse. "Are you Isabella Swan?" the grey haired doctor asked. I simply nodded not knowing if I could trust my voice. He sat in the chair opposite mine. "We were able to stop the bleeding but there is a lot of damage. She's ok right now but we're still not sure if she will make it. She was shot in the chest the bullet didn't go through we weren't able to remove it, yet. Do you have anyone else coming?" he looked at me. "Ya her husband Phil is on the first flight out of Jacksonville." _

"_Ok I think it's best if I wait for him to arrive before I tell you more. So I don't have to repeat myself. You can stay here for now; I'll send a nurse in with a pillow and a blanket. You should get some sleep now, your mother is stable for now" the doctor stood up and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder before exiting the room. A few minutes later a nurse came in with a pillow and blanket. I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders and stared at the wall. _

_I didn't realize how long I had been staring at the wall, there were no windows in this room, until Phil was suddenly standing in front of me blocking my view of the wall. I looked up at his face. "Hi" I barely whispered. He suddenly reached down and hugged me tightly. "Oh Bella, I'm so sorry I wasn't there! I should have been there. Are you ok? Is she ok?" He sobbed. Pulling away I answered "she's in stable condition right now." I said simply. "Ok let's go find her doctor" he replied wiping his face. _

_We went to the nurse station and asked to speak to the doctor. As we were talking to the nurse several doctors and nurses ran past us and to a room at the end of the hall. I stared after them hoping my mother wasn't in that room. The nurse said the doctor would be with use as soon as he could. _

_We waited in the waiting room for an hour. The doors opened and the same doctor that had came and talked to me the night before walked in. He had a grimmer expression than he had the night before. He looked up from the floor when he stopped in front of me. He sighed. Looking at Phil he put out his hand and said. "Hello, I'm Doctor Adams you must be Phil."_

"_Hello" Phil replied. Looking over to me Doctor Adams said "Isabella" Than sat again in the same chair as before. Running a hand through his hair he looked at Phil than me and began. "Isabella and Phil Renee had a lot of damage. The bullet hit on of the main arteries in her heart. She also had several bruises and minor scarped plus a few other injuries. Her body was just to beat up and she fought as hard as she could. But it wasn't enough. I'm sorry she… she didn't make it." _

"_W…wait, w…what?" I stuttered. _

"_I'm so sorry, we did everything believe me." The doctor said patting my hand. I turned to look at Phil; he was just staring at the doctor. My world hand just came crumbling down I didn't know how to respond. _

_**End of flashback**_

It had been two months since that happened. Phil sent me to live with my father a few days after her funeral. The day after I found a way to cope with my lose. I heard of people cutting at my old school. I never really understood it. But I was tired of feeling the way I do so I tried it. I took one of the small knives from the kitchen and pulled it across my wrist. It stung badly and soon I was concentrating on it. I watched the blood slowly bead up on my skin then roll down my arm and into the sink. At first the smell of the blood bothered me and I passed out the first time but after that I was able to stand it. One day while I was showering me accidentally fell while shaving and sliced my leg. As I say who easy it was to cut with, I decide to use a razor for my cutting.

The next day I went to the local drug store and bought one of those disposable razors and broke out the razor part of it. This made it easier to use and hide. In Forks it was easy to hide my cuts. Being always cold and wet here I could get away with always wear long sleeves. I was careful to clean up the bathroom after I cut as to not let Charlie know. The kids at school never noticed either. I was careful to never cut to deep and not to do it everyday. I only cut when I was very desperate. I was also careful never to pull up my sleeves.

I jumped when I heard a knock on my window. Looking up I found Mike motioning for me to roll down the window. I quickly rolled it down. "Hey Bella, want to walk to class together?" Mike asked with a smile I'm pretty sure he thought was sexy. I think it only made him look like he had to pee really badly and was begging the teacher to let him go the bathroom. "Umm sure Mike let me grab my backpack.

Mike and I walked to class together. I noticed Edward and his siblings standing around his Volvo as we passed them. "Bella?" Mike questioned me. 'Sorry what did you say? I was spacing out."

"I was talking about the up coming science trip"

"Oh when is that, again?" I asked. I had completely forgotten about that. I had to remember to get Charlie to sign my permission slip for me.

"Tomorrow" He simply replied

"Ok well I should go into my class now" we had reached my first class.

"By Bella see you at lunch?" Mike asked hopeful

"Ya um sure I'm pretty sure I'm sitting with you." I replied not really paying attention as I tried to get away from him.

Classes went by fast and I didn't really pay much attention. I soon found myself in my English class. I decided to pay attention since I needed to keep up my grades. "So class today I will assign you each an author to research and you will be writing an essay about him or her." All too soon memories came back to me from the night my mother died. I had been doing a similar project that night. I quickly ran out of the class room and to the nearest bathroom before the tears could fall and locked myself in a stall. I pulled out my razor from my pocket and quickly drew it across my wrist two times. The door to the bathroom opened and soon I heard a knock on my stale.

"Bella?" my friend Nichole questioned from the other side of the door. I quickly put back my razor and wrapped toilet paper around my wrist and pulled back down my sleeve before opening the door. I smiled a small smile at her. "Are you alright?' she questioned me, knowing I wouldn't give her much of an answer. "Ya, I'm fine" I replied forcing a small smile.

Just then the bell rang for lunch. I cleaned off my face and Nichole and I headed for the cafeteria. Nichole headed to our table to eat her lunch from home while I headed to the lunch line. I was standing in line and felt a small tap on my shoulder, turning around I found the small pixie Cullen. "Bella you left this in class" Alice said handing me my backpack, she had English with me. "Thanks I forgot it!" I replied just not realizing I had left it. We grabbed out lunches and headed to our separate tables. Everyone had already grabbed a seat and there were no more chairs at our table. "Sorry Bella, you can stand here or I think the Cullen's still have an extra chair you could sit in" Jessica sneered at me. She had been really mad the Cullen's had invited me to sit with them yesterday. Not wanting to deal with her I headed over to the Cullen's.

I slowly walked up to their table, everyone looked up. "Um hi do you mid if I sit with you again just for today? My table is full and Jessica is being really rude." I said, praying they were as nice as they were yesterday. "Nope we don't mind!" Alice eagerly replied. I sat in the last chair open and slowly drank my water. I had only gotten water because I didn't feel like eating after what happened in English. Several moments passed them Emmett spoke up "ha-ha Bella why do you have toilet paper sticking out of your sleeve. I looked down to find a small corner of the toilet paper I had wrapped around my wrist earlier stick out. "Ummm I'm not really sure" I lied. I quickly pulled it out and crumpled it up before they could see the dried blood on it. I prayed they didn't notice anything. Suddenly I felt myself becoming nervous. Jasper gave me a weird look from where he sat like he knew what I was feeling. "So Bella are you excited about the science trip tomorrow?' Edward asked me. "I guess I mean a green house isn't that exciting"

"Ya but we get out of school for a day!"

"But Mike and Jessica are going, Angela is really sick so she can't come and Nichole doesn't have Mr. Banner." I replied sadly

"Jasper and I are also going! I'm excited I heard it's actually really fun!" Alice joined in bouncing in her seat. Jasper sat his hand on her shoulder as if to hold her in her chair and she seemed to calm down a bit. Fun who is she kidding! I mean it was beautiful yes but the one we were going to was rain forest plants. All's we had to do to see those was walk out side. For some of the more exotic maybe drive a few hours away and bam you were in the rain forest of Washington state.

We didn't really say much more at lunch and once again Edward and I walked to class together. We watched the rest of the movie and as we were all scrabbling to get out things when the bell rang, Mr. Banner yelled "Don't forget to get your permission slips signed for tomorrow see you in the parking lot in the parking lot 5 minutes before school starts. No permission slip no field trip and you'll spend the day in the office." I think only half the class heard him.

Gym didn't go as well as the day before. We played tennis. Any sport with a racket in my hands was a bad idea. I got paired up with mike and we played against Jessica and some other girl in my class. Mike covered me pretty good but missed a few the first time I managed to hit Mike and myself with my swing. Then next time I hit the net and the racket bounced back and hit me in the face. After that I just let the balls go if they went towards me and Mike missed them. Coach came by and yelled at me to try to swing after the ball. Bad idea he decided to stand behind me when I reached to swing at a ball I tripped sending me flying into the net, my racket flew back and hit Coach, Mike tried to catch me and I hit him in the nose giving him a bloody nose. I had somehow managed to also hit the ball and it hit Jessica in the eye. She got really pissed because she would end up having a black eye. After we all recovered Coach suggested it would be best if I sat in his office and did homework for the rest of the period.

As soon as the bell rang I ran out as fast as I could, trying to get out before anyone saw me and could comment about what had happened. Mike and Jessica were both in the office seeing the nurse. Apparently Mike had a broken nose. I felt really bad about that one. I got in my truck and drove away from school as fast as I could. Once home I found Charlie was already there. I walked in and set my band down at the bottom of the stairs and headed to see my dad. "Hey dad what are you doing home early?" I asked

"Well I was at the hospital, because there had been a car accident and saw Mike. He looked pretty bad I asked him what happened and how he broke his nose and all he said was Bella had a racket and that was all I needed it know. Are you alright?" he asked still laughing from describing his adventure.

"Ya Ch…dad just a bruise, but Jessica has a black eye. Well I'm going to go up and finish my homework then I'll be down to fix dinner."

"Ok Bella and you don't need to fix dinner I ordered a pizza." He replied flipping on the TV to find some game to watch.

I finished my HW and ate pizza with my dad. After rereading Wuthering Heights again I went and took a shower. After taking a long half hour shower I towel dried my hair, pulled on my sweats and returned to my room. Today I had no need to cut again. I fell asleep so after turning off my light and saying good night to Charlie.

Today was the field trip. Yippy! I wasn't that excited. I took my time getting dressed and eating my breakfast before heading to school. I drove slowly even for my big truck but still got there a little early. I opened my door and began walking toward the big yellow buses. Mike, Jessica and Lauren we already there. I decide to avoid them so I went to the other side of the buses. I found the Cullen's there. Yup all of them. I knew Mr. Banner said his senior class was coming also and I knew Jasper was in it for the conversation yesterday at lunch with them but I had no idea all the Cullen's had him. I heard Mr. Banner call the class together so I headed to the other side. "Alright Class listen up we're taking two buses, once we get there wait for me before you head inside. I have assigned everyone to a bus so I can know whose missing. Ok so on bus one I want" he began listing off people I heard Mike, Jessica, and Lauren's name on the list. I didn't hear mine or any of the Cullen's. "On bus two I want" I listened closely this time and heard him call my name, Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Alice, and Rosalie's names also.

Great at least I didn't have to sit with Mike, Lauren, or Jessica. But on the other hand I didn't know who I would sit with. We all headed to our buses as the rain started to pick up. I was just starting to get in the bus when I caught my foot of the bottom of the bus and began falling forward. I felt two arms snake their way around my waist and stop me just before I hit the next step. He straightened me up. "Bella would you at least watch where you're going? I won't always be there to catch you ya know!" Edward exclaimed as I finished getting in the bus. "Thanks and I'm ok I'm use to falling. All you have to so is watch me in gym class to understand how clumsy I am!" I said walking down the bus and finding a seat two rows for the end of the bus. "Do you mid if I sit next to you?" Edward asked. I shrugged seeing as his family and I were the last ones on the bus and there were only four other seats. He sat down and Alice and Jasper sat next to us. Emmett and Rosalie sat behind us.

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**Long an but it's worth it to read! **

**The next Chapter will have the green house in it. I hope the flashback in the begining answers and question about what happened to her mom. Please review. I'll update quicker!!! Any question feel free to ask them with by reviewing or by PMing me! Please tell me what you think even if you think it horrible. Any suggestions would be great! Thanks! **

**Nicole- I added you to the story thanks for reviewing. I didn't get as many as I wanted but I didn't want to punish those who did so those two get to be in this. **

**Dreamngo4it9-Thanks for your review! If you would like to be in the story, and would like to be called anything specific please tell me! Thanks again! **

**For any of you who have read my other story it is put on hold for now because I don't really feel like writing it right now and am not really sure where I was going with it… anyways I might redo it in a few day, weeks or months depending on how I feel about it. **

**Please REVIEW!!! I know you can do it! Just press the button and start typing! **

**Thanks!!! I'll update sooner and put more detail and make the chapters longer the more reviews I have!!!! **

**1-5 reviews= update in a week or so short chapter and noting exciting… **

**6-10 reviews= update Monday or Tuesday and about half this length… kinda exciting but not great info**

**10-15 reviews= update Sunday night and this length… with some info**

**15-20 reviews=two chapter and very important info!**


	4. Important Authors note!

**Important Authors note!!!!! Please read!**

**Ok so I won't be able to update any stories besides New Year's eve because my dads house and barn caught fire and burned to the ground. My notebook with all my stories was in our house at the time. I had been at my mothers and just got back. Everyone made it out of the house alive, my youngest step brother was the only one at home at the time. However we lost two of our dogs, and all our live stock that was in the barn. But of a brighter note we still have a garage! So sorry but the rest of sweet release was in that notebook. New Year's eve will be updated sooner than the rest because it's in my head. **

**Also my schools roof caved in so I don't have school for another week... until they can get the old school cleaned out(they were using it for storage) and we'll be in there until the normal high school is fixed.. haha**

**~Alice**


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